God chastised me today.
A few minutes ago, I finished up an appointment with a Pastor of a local church that I know. He has shared with me before that he would like it if I would come and step in as the worship leader at their church. The really short version is that the Lord has not lead me there and so I will not be joining them.
He has called me a few times and wanted to 'get together' and chat. I am a guy that typically has no trouble getting together to chat. However, if I can be a bit transparent with you, I was not all that excited about connecting, fearing I was going to get worked over in terms of joining their ministry.
A bit of background, here... I have said to several people over the last couple of years that God is taking my heart in the direction of ministering to pastors and their families and others who give themselves to ministry. It is absolutely amazing to me that there are as many people in ministry as there are who are profoundly damaged and hurt. I have sort of been wondering how that might look down the road, as God prepares opportunity for that and sets up what is to come. Whatever it might look like.
So, here we are having coffee and chatting. I am being cordial as we are catching up. Eventually, it occurs to me that my heart is not at all in the right place. Sometimes this takes much longer than I wish it would with me. (That probably never happens to you...) As this pastor begins to share with me what is going on I am seeing, again, how much hurt is attached to all of this. This is not specifically people doing intentional, damaging things. Mostly, this is just situational. There is a grand baby that was not supposed to live once born. There is a child in the middle of a divorce. There is the reality of the last year of ministry in his church with the difficulty that it has brought.
I was initially tempted to look at my watch and was a bit anxious to get on to the other work that I had to do. But then, I could feel God leaning on my heart. He was saying to me, "Right now, there is nothing more important for you to be doing. He is here. Pay attention and plug in! Get past your agenda and try to see mine. 'Mr. Worship Leader, trying to be Godly man', get over yourself and recognize that I have work for you to do, right here, right now. Oh, and, uh...love ya!"
Hmmm. Oops. "God, forgive me. Use me. Help me to see people all around me that are hurting. Thank you for giving me opportunity to serve you. Thank you for being patient."
We talked. He talked. We prayed...I got a chance to ask God to bless him and his family.
Look, I have no idea if he got anything out if our time together or not. But I did. Boy, did I ever.
I know. I get it. We all have stuff going on. Much of it is painful and not very fun. Alicia and I know a family living in Colorado. One of their sons has a genetic disease that I can neither pronounce nor remember the name of. The doctors told them to not get too attached to this kid as he would not be going home with them. He was not expected to live. No one knows much about the disease because everyone who has it dies before anything can be learned about it. Before we left Colorado, the dad said to me that every morning, if he has slept, he wakes up and goes into the son's room and puts his hand on his son's chest. He does this to see if he is still breathing. Seriously!? They have several hundred thousands of dollars in medical bills AND they, literally, never know if their son will be alive when they wake up!
How you doin'? Maybe, just a chance...not quite as bad as that family? I am not saying - at all - that each person's pain is not significant. It is. And we are designed to feel it. (Still don't get that sometimes.) The point is that others are hurting, also. Maybe even more than you are. There is work for us to do even in the midst of our own agenda.
God chastised me today. I needed it.
